Tuesday, April 12, 2005

8:20 a.m.

 

How can a person possibly write about the grieving process and connect with others? I am beginning to realize how difficult this is going to be. It is the heaviest feeling the human spirit can possibly experience.

 

The sympathy cards are now at a trickle. This is only natural.. When someone dies, the memories slowly fade in the minds of those left behind. When a memorial service or funeral is concluded, it is basically putting closure on all that has happened. This does not mean people do not feel for what has taken place, but as the days and weeks turn into months, this point in time will be only a memory. This of course will never be the case for me as well as for family and the very closest of friends. There are different levels of emotions and mine are as deep as anything I could feel.

 

When taking care of someone for so long, it is very difficult to let go. I have been told by Susan, the grief counselor at Hospice, that I lost myself somewhere along the way. My personal feelings have been put on hold for so long that I simply have to find myself. Strange to say this, but I have to agree.

 

Seeing Linda later quite honestly is little consolation during something so painful. Many people have also stated that at least she isn’t hurting anymore. I simply miss Linda. She isn’t here and emotions are a roller coaster ride in which the seat I am in is on a downward slope and not going up. Only if a person experiences this, is it understood.