Saturday, April 16, 2005

11:30 a.m.

 

Susan, my grief counselor at Hospice, has been helping me to understand how the mind of a writer, artist or singer thinks. They are “cursed” with thinking deeper than others. This does not have anything to do with intelligence, but simply how the words written by a writer, a picture painted by an artist, or lyrics expressed by a singer, say so much about the person. Things can be a bit complex in the mind of any one of the three. I have read reports explaining how a majority of mental institutions consist of people in these three categories. If it wasn’t for God or writing, I would be a prime candidate for admission.

 

In the past two weeks, when talking to people who have experienced the death of a loved one, I have noticed the subject is carried only so far. Because death is so complex, it is impossible to fully realize the impact it has on people. Yes, the Bible says a lot about death, but no words in the world can take away the pain that cuts like a knife when it happens. Now I realize why so many people are tormented when dealing with their emotions. Nothing in this world compares to what death does to an individual.

 

There are no ordinary Monday’s, Thursday’s or weekends. It is now a totally different world and is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Life is definitely not boring.

 

How much a person was loved has everything to do with how death is dealt with. I spoke with a very good friend in Kentucky last week, who is still struggling with the death of her husband. She is staying busy and yet everything she does reminds her of what they did together. There is no way anyone should take this away from her.  It has been seven months since he died. This is a very difficult point and time in her life.

 

Writing about death and grief is very difficult. They are companions. They go everywhere together when traveling with you. You simply don’t wish them away, or pray to God, and He somehow waves a magic wand.

 

One of the most difficult aspects of coping with death and grief is what friends and family say or feel. With each passing day, a person grieving will find out just how much the needed support is there. My parents are very supportive as well as my sister. It is a matter of just how friends will hang in there with me, or will they feel obligated to give advise when they have no idea what this is like?

 

Yesterday was a perfect example of how someone had good intentions, but simply shouldn’t have said anything. A person grieving, however, should not hold it against anyone if a bad judgment call is made. Why develop an attitude and just compound the problem when someone says something inappropriate?

 

It is amazing how many songs have been written by singers who are grieving. The stroke of a brush can tell so much about what a painter is feeling. A writer can use words in a way never before expressed. The three are a trio, which has helped the world cope, but they have also shown how difficult this life is.

God, of course is the ultimate hope and answer. He is patient and doesn’t put demands on anyone when grief is experienced. He is the only source of strength and yet He is so easily overlooked when needed the most. How can anyone possibly deal with death and grief without God? It is impossible for me to understand and yet so many people do.