Forgiveness

by Peggy McIlveene

Those of you who know me (either in person or in your spirit) know that the Lord has given me a deep love for my fellow man/woman, especially those I consider to be my brothers and sisters in Yahshua.  I am also a very trusting person, especially in those I believe to be my siblings.  As a results, when these people whom I dearly love and trust betray me, I want nothing further to do with them... EVER... and have a very difficult time forgiving them.  This eats me alive inside, and I need to learn to totally forgive them, and pray our Father's blessings on them... especially when they dis my Lord or my husband!  Here's where I need your prayers the most.  Following are five  instances where I deeply loved the person, and they betrayed me.  I won't be using their real names.

My very closest GF for 27 years, Jean.  Jean and I carried each other through much during that 27 years.  When her Dad died (I think in the 80's), I was there for her, giving her comfort like no one else could.  She did the same for me when my grandbaby, Nicole, died in 1993.  Then came the time when she fell in love with her current husband, Ron, who lived in England.  She left her husband, John, who was mentally abusive to her, and asked if she could move in with Richard & I for about 6 weeks until Ron could come to Texas, marry her, and move her back to England.

At the time, Richard was extremely ill with heart problems and couldn't work, so I was sole supporter of our family.  I told Jean that we had very little money, and she agreed that they would help us financially by paying us rent while she was there, as well as helping us with food.  Ron was going to come down and stay with us, too, until they could marry and move back, which he did.  During the time she was with us, Ron and his best friend (who came with Ron from England to be his Best Man) also stayed with us (for a couple of weeks); during that whole 8 weeks, they gave us a total of $50... and Jean asked my husband to have an affair with her!!!

Before Richard & I rededicated our lives to the Lord in 2001 (him) and 2002 (me), we partied constantly at our favorite biker bar (The Iron Horse... we are Harley riders) and bar-hopped as well.  Not long after we began frequenting the Horse, we were sitting out back drinking with a bunch of people, and someone came in on their Harley.  It was a couple, Ruth & Tom, who were engaged to be married in the next couple of months.  Tom is the son of the former owner, Jack, who has since passed away.  Ruth was a very unpopular person at the Horse, due to her personality.  Richard & I became close friends of theirs (or so we thought), and were, in fact, their only friends most of the time.  Ruth began calling Richard her brother and me her sister-in-law, and is how she introduced us to everyone.  Not long after they were married (I was Ruth's Matron of Honor), they bought a house about 5 minutes from us in our (at that time) neighborhood, so we partied together and saw each other VERY often.  During the approximately 2 years they lived there, Tom & Ruth broke up.  Tom had joined a motorcycle club and began shooting speed, and Ruth became hooked on downers as well (pills).  She was arrested for threatening Tom, and spent about a month in jail.

One day, she called and told me she'd messed up her computer again, and asked me if I would have Richard come to her house and fix it for her.  The day Richard showed up to fix it, Ruth was dressed in a short nightgown.  While Richard was sitting at her computer working on it, she kept bending over in front of him, with no panties on.  Richard ignored her, then when he finally noticed what she was doing, he exploded on her, asking her what she thought she was doing!  He told her that I considered her a friend, and he considered her a little sister, and how could she do such a thing, especially to me, who trusted and loved her.  He got up from her computer and told her not to ever again try to contact him or me again, that their friendship was finished, and if she did try to contact us again, he would report her to her Parole Officer and have her arrested.  He came home and told me what had happened.

A few days later, she called ME at work, acting like everything was normal.  I exploded on her then, and told her how dare she call me after what she'd done to me, and not to ever call me again.  That ended OUR relationship for good.

I had me an elderly woman (Betty, a woman in her 70's who lived in California) that Ruth had introduced me to (via email).  Ruth told me that Betty was going through a lot, and that she needed me to introduce Betty to the Lord.  She gave me Betty's email address, and I began emailing Betty right away, telling her that I understood she was going through a lot of problems, and that the Lord could help her through them.  She asked me if I would call her because she needed to discuss something with me.  What she told me was that she hated to tell me this since Ruth was my sister-in-law, but that she had given Ruth her phone card so that she could call her, and that Ruth had begun using it to call others, leaving her to pay the bill.  I called her a few days later, and she began telling me her life story, basically.  She told me that her grown son (Dennis) and her grown daughter (Sherry), who were both in their 50's, had stolen a bunch of her personal items, and then had beat her so severely, she had to be hospitalized (I later found out from every member of her family that this was a complete lie!).  I was so concerned for her safety, that I asked Richard if we could move her down to Texas to live on our property, and he said OK. 

So I talked her into moving here to buy our mobile home and, since we had found our current house and property (2 acres), we would have it moved onto our property so she would be safe.  She grew to love me as a daughter (or so I thought), and before long was living on our property.  It didn't take long for her real personality to manifest itself.  It became quickly apparent that she was an extremely ungrateful person (to the Lord, as well as to us), very self-centered and self-serving, a constant complainer, very tight with her money (she even complained about paying us $200/month rent to help with our expenses... at this point in time, I was still sole supporter of our family and our 2 dogs), a trouble maker, and worst of all, a chronic liar! Not long after she was here, I introduced her to my Mom & Dad (who are both in their 80's), my cousin Ann (who is just like a sister to me, and is 65), and my two aunts (in their 70's... they live right down the street from Mama & Daddy), Aunt Carla and Aunt Penny.  I have always been extremely close to these family members... until Betty came on the scene.

Immediately Betty began making my family think she was just a sweet little old lady that everyone mistreated.  She would talk to Mama and my aunts every night on the phone.  She would tell me, "Don't tell anyone, but your Mom said (so and so) about you and Richard."  This would hurt me and I would fire back something about them.  Then she'd call them and say, "Don't tell anyone, but Richard & Peggy said (so and so) about you," which would hurt them, and THEY would fire back.  This went on for about a month, until I was so hurt by my family that I told her not to tell me another thing they said about us, and refused to listen to anything she said they said.  Before I knew it, she had none of us speaking to each other.  I tried desperately to tell everyone that she was a chronic liar, but Satan had blinded them, so they wouldn't believe me.  I was so incredibly hurt that my family would take her side, when they'd know me for 55 years, and her for only 2 years, and would believe her over me!  But nothing I said to them would sink in.  I finally couldn't take it any longer, and I asked the Lord to please get this woman out of our lives for good!  Meanwhile, I called Pastor Riley and told him what was going on.  He told me that she had demons (literally), and to get her away from us with all possible haste.  I explained to him that all my family members who were involved were born again Christians, and that I didn't think it was possible for Christians to be possessed by demons.  He explained that they couldn't be POssessed by demons, but that they could certainly be OBsessed by them, and that was apparently what had happened.  We began praying in earnest then that the Lord would remove her from our lives and fix our relationships with my family again.

During that time, she had her 50+ year old son, Bill, move in with her.  So now we had yet another mouth to feed and person to take care of!  Not long after moving here, Betty had harangued Bill so much that he began having strokes and heart attacks!  Betty didn't know how to check her bank account or Bill's online, so she gave Richard her log-in and password so that he could check it for them when she needed.  Bill received a Social Security check every month, just like Betty did.  Betty made sure she was co-signer on Bill's account.  Then when Bill's checks would be direct deposited into his account, she would have the money transferred to HER account so she could use HIS money too!  Her own SON!!!  Bill's daughter finally came to pick him up and move him back to California with her.

About 2 months before Father Yahweh caused her to move back to California, she pulled the biggest scam yet!  She called Adult Protective Services (APS) and told them that Richard was mentally abusing her, which couldn't have been further from the truth!  That's when we insisted that she move back to California.  By the time she finally did (last September), my family relationships were in shambles, and I detested her!  I was crushed and more hurt than I'd ever been in my whole life!

In December, I found out Betty had moved back to Texas and was living with my aunts!  I was devastated!  I literally cried when I found out (Mama had called to ask me to put Betty on my prayer list, because she was extremely ill) she was back here, especially with my aunts where she could cause more chaos, with the help of her "father" Satan!  I told the Lord, "I thought we were finally rid of her; now she's back to cause more problems with my family!  Please get her out of our lives again, Father!"  Two month later, Betty was dead... her cancer had come back and very quickly killed her!

Last, but not least, were Jeb, my ex-husband of 18 years, who was a mental abuser of me and my 3 children, and somewhat a physical abuser of the children; and Cary, my daughter Shelly's first husband, who was both a mental and a physical abuser of her.

In the past 3 days, I have dreamed about Ruth (last week), Betty, AND Jean (last night)!!!  Coincidence?  Of course not!!!  The Lord is telling me I need to forgive them... TRULY forgive them!  I thought I already had, but if I had, I would not relive the hurts they inflicted upon me over and over again!  I need your prayers for me to learn how to TRULY forgive them and get on with my life.  My unforgiveness and anger at them doesn't hurt THEM... it only hurts ME and my walk with the Lord.  Shelly has forgiven Cary, and never gives him a moment's thought.  She's forgiven Jeb.  I need to be able to do the same.

Here is an awesome article I just read called "Forgiving Others - Peace and Healing" by All About God.  Click HERE to read, and if YOU need to forgive someone who has hurt YOU, take it to heart.  I did, and now MY peace and healing can begin!

If I can't forgive others, how can I possibly expect Father Yahweh to forgive ME???  Thank you for your prayers, your love, and your forever friendship!