To
describe the emotions a person has when dealing
with grief is one thing, but to experience all of the
ups and downs is quite another. To say your life has
been radically altered, doesn't even begin to
describe what takes place on a daily basis.
I've asked
a lot of hard questions as I have dissected and analyzed
the relationship Linda and I had. There is always
degrees of guilt when someone dies, but I can at least
say guilt is not the pervasive emotion I am dealing
with, but simply a case of deep sadness and grief, along
with bouts of depression.
One
thing I am very aware of is just how much a husband and
wife take each other for granted. Men overall suffer
from a terrible case of pride and arrogance. So
many husbands have an approach to a wife as if
she is something to order around, and dictate
to, and don't take into consideration that perhaps
things aren't always as they seem. Perhaps I am a bit
harder on men than I am women. The one thing I do know
is that arguing and disagreeing seems to be the key
element in so many marriages. Stress has wrapped its
arms around so many relationships, and couples do not
stop and ask themselves if they take each other for
granted. We've lost the art of thinking and admitting
when we are wrong. Why? Because of pride and arrogance,
and I feel it has become an emotional disease,
especially in men.
The
one thing I have come to see is just how much humbleness
is lacking in men. Only when witnessing the hell
Linda went through, did I truly realize how there was no
room for pride and arrogance in my life. Whatever
disagreements and contentions we ever had throughout
our marriage, were so trivial when I began to see
Linda was probably going to die.
Why
do husbands insist it is going to be their way? I am
convinced women would not be as hardened as they are
today, if men would simply show the respect women
deserve. Since Linda's death, I have done a lot of examining
as to how men think and view things. Yes, women are
also at fault when relationships fail, but who is
it in the world today that insists on wars? It 's not
women as a whole, but men who pursue power. It's as if
the domain obtained in life by a man is his
home and his throne of rulership will be defended at all
cost.
Women
have obtained greater clout in society, but who caused
it? Why the feminist movement? It has a lot to do with
how men have displayed so much arrogance and
pride towards women. So many women are objects to men.
If men would be completely honest with themselves, we
would have to admit that women have not been given their
fair shake.
I
do believe the one reason Linda and I developed such a
close bond between us in the last two years was
because she came first. When couples give of themselves
completely to one another, only then is a marriage
truly happy. I hope I now realize I must not allow pride
to be a part of my character. I have been extremely humbled
by Linda's death, and perhaps by experiencing so great a
loss, I can be shaped into the person God truly wants me
to be.
I
am addressing my feelings towards men in what I am
writing because I feel so many do not realize how
important their wives truly are. How many men really
cherish the sweetheart God has given to them? How
many buy flowers just because they want to? How many
husbands show a simple gesture of kindness by
opening the door for their wives when getting in and out
of the car? Is the wife first when it comes to what is
important?
Many
men are not only threatened by other men, but they do
not even know the basics of how to be soft in their
approach to women. Instead, men are hardened and abrupt.
Humbleness in so many men is lacking, and yet the word
"humble" has been misconstrued with being
perceived as a sissy in society today.
I
now only have pictures and memories of Linda. So many
times I have sat and just stared at her photo sitting on
the bookcase. I made many mistakes in the earlier years
of our marriage, but I truly came to love Linda in
a way I never thought possible.
I
cannot emphasize enough how husbands should not
take their wives for granted. Men have the
most priceless jewel they could ever be honored to
share their life with. Women are flowers. They are so
beautiful and without them, just imagine how messed up
we would be. If men would only stop being so
arrogant and proud in the way they insist on doing
things in their marriages, its truly amazing how women
would be so much more in love with their partners.
Instead, men demand respect and when demanding it, it is
a recipe for disaster.
Remember
the last argument? How many husbands admitted
they were wrong, if they knew down deep inside that
perhaps pride and arrogance was the key element in why
they screamed and yelled? Yes, it takes two to argue,
but I can remember in years past when Linda and I
argued. So much of the problem was me. Few times was
Linda really at fault, but so many times I was the
culprit and I truly came to see this as I realized pride
and arrogance was the reason.
I
miss Linda so much and now I must live a life
without the balance she brought. What a beautiful and
sweet person she was. Husband's don't realize they
could lose the one they take for granted. Instead,
marriages suffer because of absolute pride and arrogance
on the part of men.
When
Linda was sick, I found that when I spoke to her softly,
she responded differently than ever before. When I
put her first in my life, it is amazing how Linda
showed the respect I desired. So many men are blinded by
pride, arrogance and selfishness. If these two
attributes were missing in today's world, imagine how
happy marriages would be.
