Dear Linda:

 

I did not sleep well last night. Yesterday was the eighth week since you died. My tears are so different for you today. It’s as if God had them reserved in a special compartment, and when it was time for them to be released, He allowed them to flow. They now fall without stopping and I have to constantly wipe away the tears.

 

After reading your journal, the tears will only stop briefly. So many days you suffered and dealt with both a physical and mental pain that no one can really understand.

 

I do not know why God allowed you to suffer so much. So many times I prayed with tears streaming down my face. I wanted so desperately for God to heal you. I was completely helpless when you cried out in pain night after night.

 

Sweetheart, so few really understand why I grieve so deeply. My tears are simply a testimony of how much I love you. God’s tears fell for you so many times because He knew you were completely dedicated to Him. I now cry for you because I realize you are truly gone. How much I wish I could tell you how brave you were. If you only knew how the words in your journal have touched me.

 

Linda, I have wanted so much to understand all of this because you kept asking why you had to suffer for so long. God finally answered your prayers and cries. Only now am I able to cry in a way I never have before. The tears keep flowing while typing these words. If you only knew how much I truly loved you, but no matter how great my love was for you, I simply wasn’t able to help you when you needed my help the most.

 

So many times I silently wept. I couldn’t let it be known to you how much it hurt to see you suffer. I could only pray to God with tears, asking Him to be with us, and take away your pain.

 

So many times, when lying next to you, I had tears streaming down my face when I heard you moan with pain hour after hour. I’ve tried so hard not to think about it, but after reading your words in the journal you wrote, my tears fall more than ever.

 

Sweetheart, I am sorry I couldn’t be your knight in shining armor. I wanted so desperately to rescue you, but I simply wasn’t able to.

 

Even though you no longer have to experience a hell only imagined by others, I want you to know that I would have given my life for you. What an irony that God required yours instead. I am so sorry that I was so limited in what I was able to do. You know I loved you, but my love was simply not enough. God, however, did take you when you finally realized He wanted you. Your death was a sweet aroma to Him. You are now able to rest peacefully without so much of the pain and sorrow you experienced for so many months.

 

You will always have a special place in my heart.

 

Love,

Richard