Today
is the eighth week anniversary of Linda's death. I have
been thinking about today since Wednesday. I actually
had to take time and cry between jobs yesterday, in
order to come to grips with the fact that today has
to come and go.
My
tears now are very different than in the past. They come
from an area I did not know existed. It's as if they carry
a message of how they understand there is finality in
the fact Linda is gone. They aren't interrupted as they
use to be. Now one follows another unlike other times.
They have to flow. If they don't, emotional problems
will set in and there is a tension unlike anything
felt before.
Today
is as beautiful as any Spring day can be, a crisp
blue sky, birds flying back and forth, the grass is as
green as a crayon. A restful quietness of
everything gave at least a temporary peace of mind
as I sat on the porch and admired the memorial garden. I
kept thinking of how incomprehensible it is that Linda
is gone. The tears kept flowing. She was such a fighter.
She dealt with so much and she somehow was always able
to deal with so many health problems, regardless of the
obstacles.
Now,
as I look at this period of time in my life, all I can
do is look at a garden built in memory of her. Each
flower carries a message. There is so much symbolism
behind each one.
It's
another day to be faced, but this is a day unlike
others. It may not be raining with God's tears, but mine
have fallen this morning, and they are simply a
testimony of the heartache and pain I have felt since
Linda was taken.
More
poetry will be written tomorrow, along with a letter to
Linda. I thank God for tears. Without them, how can a
person show the love for someone when they are gone.
Each one contains a message, as they fall and disappear.
