Things
can happen in a marriage that strikes at the very soul
of a relationship. Arguments take place between
couples, with little consideration given to long-term
consequences. When a loved one dies, past arguments
can be recalled. It is something not understood by
those who haven't had to experience a loss, but it is
something felt in the deepest recesses by someone who
is grieving.
I
have spoken in two previous segments about
the dangers of pride and arrogance. It is an area of a
marriage not willingly looked at by many men. Somehow
it is perhaps someone else, but not viewed as a
personal problem. I regrettably speak from
personal experience, and I feel I could write a book
on the subject, due to the abuse laid in Linda's
lap. I thank God that He has showed me
what a pompous ass I was. Pride and arrogance are like
a plague to me now, and yet I am not claiming to
be humble, but only that I have been humbled.
I
believe few men can truly see themselves as a
problem while married. I didn't, even though my
friends and family could see it. I simply wasn't going
to be told by anyone where I was wrong, because I was
simply blinded. It was tragic that Linda had to
almost die in 1995 in order for me to
experience the beginning stages of a humbling process that
is still taking place to this day. It has been a painful
period to say the least. To witness the gradual
deterioration of the one I loved, slowly stripped
away at the hardness of my heart. I now examine
myself daily so that I will change. I don't want to be
someone that presents a problem to others. Enough
problems were presented to Linda throughout the years.
I
now realize that in order for me to fulfill
the true definition of what a man is, tears must be
shed as well as a long period of self-examination is
in order. To humble myself has taken years, and
regrettably God has had to take the most
important person in my life in order for me to see
many things. Taking Linda was for His
ultimate purpose in a very personal way.
I
feel to this day that if a husband wants respect
from his wife, there has to be something to respect.
If a husband wants a wife to "submit", it
will automatically happen if the wife is respected and
honored. The word "submit" has been abused
by so many men. It has been demanded instead of
something willingly given by wives who know they
are admired and respected for who they
are. Too many men do not tell their wives how
much they love them. Only in the last few years
did I tell Linda several times a day how much I
loved her. Her name was either "beautiful"
or "sweetheart". Rarely did I call her
Linda.
Couples
are so busy being married that there is simply no time
for one another. There is too much television, busy
schedules take up so much time, and so many
couples simply exist because of the demands put
upon each other.
It
is amazing when I talk to someone who has lost a mate.
Memories are all we have. We are speaking of something
beyond the comprehension of others. Guilt of how a
mate was treated is the ghost that doesn't leave for some
individuals.
Carelessness
in relationships causes a carefree attitude. The honor
and respect required to make the relationship
work will not take place because it's never been
attempted. Change is painful and we don't like pain.
It seems the only way change comes is when it is
forced upon people. I also speak from personal
experience in this area. Tragically, Linda is not here
to see how much I have changed since she died. I look
forward to the day when she will see how much her
death helped me to be the person God wants me to be. I
only hope I don't become proud and arrogant along the
way. If I am, what would be my excuse? What
greater price could I pay for pride and arrogance than
to lose the flower God gave to me?
