Saturday, May 7, 2005

11:00 a.m.

 

The emotional roller coaster continues. No day is the same. Grief is something that has a different degree of severity each day and simply brings out emotions at will. Instead of controlling it--it seems to have a mind of its own and will do what it wants.

 

I realized yesterday that no where in the Bible does God put a time limit on grief. When mourning for the loss of someone, there isn’t a scripture anywhere that condemns tears, but because of what grief does to someone, friends and family do everything they can to comfort the person grieving. No matter how hard people try, words simply will not ease the pain when all is said and done. The depths of depression, God understands. The ache and hurt, He empathizes with since He lost His own Son.

 

I am convinced the greater the love, the greater the loss. It has everything to do with how deep the relationship was with the person who has died. I constantly think of Linda. She is always with me. Last night, I once again dreamed of Linda’s death. I had a difficult time going back to sleep. I woke up this morning depressed at facing another weekend without her.

 

I continue to build a memorial garden in Linda’s memory. It is a piece of artwork dedicated to her. It has to be as beautiful as possible in order to justifiably portray who she was. It is the one way in which I can honor what she had to endure. I wish everyone reading this could see how her life is being remembered with white marble rocks, a wide variety of flowers, hanging plants, archways and steps which symbolize the uncertainty of our journey together. As it grows and expands in the coming months, it will be a testimony to the woman I loved and still do.