Sunday, April 24, 2005

2:00 p.m.

 

The falling snow and gloomy sky does not help today. I feel very depressed. There are feelings of despair today unlike other days. I don’t think I have felt this low since Linda died. It is different when spending so much time alone. I just sat in the chair across the room from where Linda use to sit. I miss our conversations we had so often. It is difficult being around people at times like this. I debated whether to write in this journal today, and yet so much of my frustration is due to not putting down my thoughts.

 

It has almost become a curse to love Linda so much. There is an emptiness inside that hurts deeply beyond any words I can say. I’ve written a number of poems and without them, I feel I would go stir crazy.

 

Death leaves the person grieving with such a feeling of absolute emptiness. There is a longing deep inside that no one else can really understand. I simply loved Linda with all my heart and so much of myself went with her when she died. As I just walked into the kitchen with her photo, my finger went across the glass as if I could touch her and I kissed it. I can’t hold it for very long because it hurts too much.

 

I’ve decided to write a letter to Linda and even though she can’t read it, just saying the words helps to understand why I miss her so much. This is something I have been wanting to do for some time. God simply made a man and a woman to bring a completeness to one another unlike any other emotion on earth.

 

NOTE: To read letter, click HERE.