Dear Linda:

 

This is not a good day because I miss you. It’s a day you would love. The sun is shining, the flowers are in full bloom and the grass is as green as a crayon. The most beautiful flower of all, however, is not a part of what I see.

 

I just sat and looked at your picture. I outlined your face with my finger. You are so beautiful. You were someone created special by God. I had tears running down my face when my finger touched your smile.  I still have a hard time believing you are gone.

 

I still don’t really know why God took you. He picked my favorite flower and kept it. I know you belonged to Him, but I thought we were going to grow old together. The only way I can really remember you is when I look at your picture and know what your eyes are saying. They speak to me in a way no one else understands. I have been trying to hold back a number of tears for so many days, but today, I cannot control so many emotions I have kept inside.

 

I still have moments when I say “if only.” If only I could hold you. If only I could tell you one more time, how much I love you. If only you were here. These two words are so much a part of me.

 

I sat on the porch this morning, looking at the swing you loved. So many times we talked about so many different things. It was a good morning to go for a walk, but I can no longer walk the path you took each day. It’s too painful.

 

As your husband, I would give anything to have you back. My heart beats as someone who is no longer whole. It can feel the tears before they form on my face. I have a hard time seeing out of my glasses as I write this letter because the tears are interfering with the words I am writing.

 

I am moving forward without you, but only because I have to. I know you wouldn’t want me to be so depressed. You knew me better than anyone, and I told you, just before you died, that I would be OK. Little did I realize how difficult it would be to fulfill these words.

 

The twenty-two years I spent with you went by so quickly. Where did they go? You are suppose to be here with me. You were such a tough little gal that endured more pain than anyone should. I never thought you would last as long as you did, and my mother says it was because you didn’t want to leave me. This melts my heart when I look back and remember when we said we wanted to spend more time together.

 

The memorial garden is beautiful. I wish you could see it. It’s a testimony to everyone of how much I love you.

 

Dad and Mom are going with me tomorrow to a memorial service sponsored by Hospice. I will honor you with my presence by wearing a yellow silk rose. You are still the flower of my life.

 

I know you can’t read this, but somehow it helps to say the things that are felt from the bottom of my heart. You know I loved you. I said it so many times.

 

Well, I have to go because I can’t stop crying. Each tear has been given by God so that I can work through so much pain. Thank you for being a part of my life. I love you so much and you know I would have given my life for you, but instead you had to give yours. What an amazing and beautiful person you were.

 

Love,

Richard