Saturday, June 18, 2005
11:00 a.m.

Many people dream. Everyone has had a dream they remember more than any other. Each Friday, I do not know what to expect as far as how the day will affect me. It didn't take long to find out.

Early Friday morning, I found myself completely on the other side of my King size bed. Usually I stay put in one spot most of the night, but yesterday the covers were in complete disarray. I woke up with my mouth wide open. I once again dreamed of Linda dying. These dreams deeply disturb me. This is the 7th or 8th one I have had since Linda died. In my dream, I was literally screaming with tears as I found Linda dead in a fetal position. It's as if I keep playing a part in the Twilight Zone. I was depressed and frustrated all morning. Somehow if Friday's could be canceled, and Thursday would be before Saturday, it would be of tremendous help.

What took place yesterday morning is evidence of how deeply engrained Linda's death still is in my mind. I can still see her in a fetal position as a mere skeleton.  Only once have I dreamed of her in a positive way. It was just over a week ago when I dreamed I was with Linda at a traffic light, and I could literally feel myself giving her a kiss. At least I wasn't cheated of a good-bye kiss.

There are so many emotions experienced at a time like this. Sometimes I feel as if I have to look over my shoulder to see which one is coming next. It's almost as if they don't want to wait their turn. Some emotions let it be known they need to be dealt with immediately. Some overlap each other as if they can't be experienced fast enough.

Within God's timeframe, something will take place to enhance the healing process. I just have to wait and see what He has planned. All I know is that I don't want to be in God's way.